Today, I sat in a counselor’s office and rattled off some of the details of my family’s background. It was quite matter-of-fact and without emotion. It was something I have done numerous times for several reasons. The questions are simply fact finding missions to see where I come from and the history behind my story. For me, it is rather impersonal and just routine.
An interesting and unthought of consequence to having my ministry, being a lay counselor, having this blog, and other things is that I can share my story rather robotic-like. I am now able to tell the highlights of my story without a tear or even any emotion, which is not always a good thing when sharing your story with a struggling survivor for the first time. I have actually taken time to reconnect my emotions with my story, so that I don’t come across as cold or insincere. The last thing I want is for someone needing help to feel that I don’t think it is a big deal. IT IS! It is just that I have now repeated my story dozens if not hundreds of times. If I felt raw emotion every time I shared it, I’d be a nervous emotional wreck. Quite frankly, it has happened due to self-preservation.
However as I sat there and reflected on the session in my car, it struck me where my emotion is found. It is in the details. I never realized how much you can share without giving details. In fact, most of my blog entries lack the details. Why is it that one can rattle off facts and feel nothing? But think of a detail and BOOM! right to the gut. Have I created an umbrella of fact that shields me from the raindrops of details? It seems so.
The question for me is: Is it a healthy way of dealing? Am I sane for operating this way? My guess is yes. It has enabled me to heal, to help others, to move forward. I’m not stuck and I can see how getting stuck in the details could happen… I mean they suck. (Please excuse my french, but really there is no other word.) One detail can literally make me what to throw up. So I am pronouncing myself healthy. I’m okay with how I handle this. And at the end of the day, the only thing that really matters is I am moving forward with God.
What does this blog mean for you? Maybe it is time that you don’t get stuck in your details. Pull out your umbrella with me and just share the big picture and let the details fall to the side. I like this image. Don’t you?
“8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast.” – Ephesians 2:8-9