As I shared yesterday, I am struggling. I am struggling with my current situation and I am fighting off puzzle pieces and new memories. It is quite the place to be. (sarcastic emoji here)
In order to not fall as far back as I have before, I have decided to handle these days, weeks, and months differently then the last time I was in a semi-similar situation. I am focusing on God. I am immersing myself in God 24/7, all the day, all the time. I am reading books, I am going to classes, I am listening to christian music, I am watching God documentaries, I am watching christian tv and movies, I am listening to devotions, and the list goes on. It is basically everything I can get my hands on to fill any spare moment of the day. He is my armor.
Now granted, this is not the first time I find myself in this situation. Thankfully, I learned from the last and did not put anything/anyone before God. My priorities are well aligned now… in that way I have grown from 8 years ago and am blessed. I also believe there is nothing quite like first remembering being raped, so these new pieces won’t be as traumatic. And here is the biggest thing, this time… I KNOW I am loved by God. The devil will not run ramped in the playground of my mind with that this time. I KNOW I am loved by God. Others may forsake me, but He won’t.
Please do not get me wrong. I am NOT by any means saying this is a piece of cake… “just change your focus” and ta-da! What I am saying is that if every second of my free time is being filled by God, Satan cannot have his way with me. It is so easy for us to fall into the “not good enough” trap or the “this is what I deserve” swamp and then Satan can have a field day in my mind. Those lies I’ve been told are still there, but this time, I’m NOT letting them hit the surface. I’m gonna have my bad days, but with Jesus all the day, all the time… How can I go wrong? Seriously? God will keep me well… I just need to focus.
So three Jesus movies out right now, I am hitting the theater… 😉
“I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart.” – Jeremiah 24:7 (what a cawinky-dink 😉 24/7!)
“True faith is keeping your eyes on God when the world around you is falling apart.”