Several years ago as I was going through major things: remembering the “big stuff,” my divorce, depression, anxiety, etc. I went to church one Sunday and the skit below was performed by the music ministry after our pastor spoke. Please watch it and see if it does for you what it did for me.
This was one of the most powerful things I heard. I definitely felt like I was going through a fire… every inch of me did – inside and out. My world as I knew it was gone. I was alone, afraid, and not myself at all. In fact, I was a stranger walking around in my skin. What had happened to my life, my family, and me? Where did I go?
I always had my life pretty organized and under control… it looked pretty darn perfect from the outside. Heck, it looked good from the inside too. I had a good grasp on myself, my children and husband, my extended family, my job, my faith, and the abuse I suffered at the hands of my mother and the little I knew about my dad. Life was good and I couldn’t really complain about anything. But then something happened to my marriage. I really don’t know what it was – not even now. It seemed like one day things were fine and then BOOM, I was lying next to a stranger. My world started to shake. I had sunk my identity into my marriage… into my husband really. Then came the hammer.
Nothing quite sets your world ablaze than remembering being molested by your father in an unspeakable fashion. I went down in flames… big flames… rocket exploding in the sky flames… remnants unidentifiable flames. I was used. I was disgusting. I was unlovable. I was no longer the nice, CLEAN girl. I was trash.
The gift (and I say “gift” intensionally because I chose not to do anything with anyone other than my husband… not even hold hands. This was something precious to me and to be down right honest, I thought it was gross to do anything with anyone other than your husband.) anyway… the gift – it was taken – ripped away and scoured by my dad. Do you have any idea what that does to your head? Granted, my thoughts, opinions, and values regarding sex and any relations with a man were probably formulated in some part by my childhood experiences, but to me, it was always a choice… my choice and that had been taken too.
On top of this, I was remembering something new every time my brain would become the slightest bit healthy. It was like getting sucker punched time and time again just as soon as you caught your breathe.
So now I sit alone in church on this faithful Sunday, wondering what had become of me and how in the WORLD would I ever find myself again, or at the very least recognize myself and this skit starts. It had tears running down my face at such a rate that I could have flooded the pew. I WAS GOING THROUGH THE FIRE.
I didn’t want to be there. It hurt like hell, but man, I was going through it. I was remembering way too much and I had lost any resemblance of myself in the aftermath. God was not making a refrigerated dessert. He was toasting me to a golden brown… even though I felt burnt on 700. But this skit, it helped me make a little sense of what I was going through. I would find myself… I better version of myself. God was making me new. ❤
2 Corinthians 5:17 (Pick your favorite version)
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (NIV)
“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (NLT)
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (ESV)
Footnote: I must share how I literally walked around singing one part of this song over and over and over and over and over and over (getting the point) and over again. It gave me the little bit of strength I needed to get to the next second, then minute, then hour, then day. I truly hope it can help you in some way.
“You make me new, you are making me new. You make me new, you are making me new. You make me new, you are making me new. You make me new, you are making me new.”
And by the way, I LOVE my church. It is my home away from home. These people are my family and I am so blessed by each and every one of you. So huge shout-out to Cornerstone Ministries, YOU ROCK!